My liver just broke up with me...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Green mimosas i think yes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
