do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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