Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
