It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I party with great urgency now.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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