Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Boobs speak an international language.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
