Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize