Buhtt sex?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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