I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
