It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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