Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize