is your mom at the bar?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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