So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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