So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
