i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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