Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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