Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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