um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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