Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
