We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
