I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We don't watch enough power rangers
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
