i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
