She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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