we have officially lost it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
please come you make the beer taste better
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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