no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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