did you get engaged???
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
