I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize