Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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