Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
