just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
