Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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