So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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