you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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