I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She even gives head with a lisp.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
