I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
