I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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