I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
