so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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