Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
