Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
