he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
