After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
