if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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