Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
