i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Found the puke drawer
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
