Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize