Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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