i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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