Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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