Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
