i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
