He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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