Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
