please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize