it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
