five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
