Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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