I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
