He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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