I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize