your parents love me but you hate me
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When are your genitals available?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
