I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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