A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
